


Playing With Fire

by Falke



Category: Zootopia (2016)
Genre: Angst, Bondage, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Heterosexual Sex, I didn't even know I LIKED chinning, Nudity, Predator/Prey, Scent Kink, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-06
Updated: 2016-05-13
Packaged: 2018-06-06 16:10:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6760903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Falke/pseuds/Falke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Love was making someone happy. It was kisses and eating takeout and gutting through long days of paperwork together and, yes, it was sharing breathless release. But it was also doing what you had to for someone. Holding something back forever, to make the rest of it work.</p><p>(Chapters 1 and 2 are rated mature. Chapters 3 and 4 are rated explicit.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS SMUT. While there's still more plot and character than porn, the porn is still very much front and center when it happens. I've declined to use archive warnings because I don't think they're quite specific enough to cover what goes on in this story (That is, **an encounter veers briefly non-consensual** ). So, consider yourselves warned: this is not going to be a story for everyone. 
> 
> In the absence of archive warnings I've tried to tag this as comprehensively as possible. It's rated **explicit** for graphic heterosexual sex, nudity, bondage, predator/prey/scent kinks, canid anatomical accuracy and the aforementioned **non-consensual passage.** Also feels. In my headcanon, Judy is the only thing Nick has had reason to care about for a long time - and when she crashed into his life she unlocked a good two decades of emotional baggage. Nick is not always his usual self in this story, and it's not just because of the pheromones.
> 
> I've organized the chapters so 1 and 2 will be rated mature, and they're not terrible if you read just them as their own story. Chapters 3 and 4 are rated explicit and will be marked as such. I also suggest you read [Guilt](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6356029/chapters/14561305) before you read this story, but it's not totally necessary.
> 
> And if all that somehow still hasn't scared you off, and you wanted a dirty version of Guilt turned up to 11 with all pretense of literary merit ignored or replaced with feels - thanks for reading!

"Don't feel like I'm pressuring you," Judy said.

Nick looked over at his parter as she drove them back to headquarters for the evening. "It's just that..."

Judy winced. "It's just that this is the perfect timing. When was the last time we had a guaranteed full weekend?"

"It's been months," Nick answered the rhetorical question. "But it would require I make a decision today. Thursday. You've pushed this as late as you can already."

"Yes." Judy fell silent and steered.

Nick glared at the dashcam. It picked up everything they said while they were in the car. Sometimes they wore portable versions, too. Talking about this at work was risky, and it would be a lot easier if they didn't have to make everything so oblique.

Of course, even if they could talk frankly, he wasn't sure he'd be any closer to an answer. That was on him. He loved Judy, sometimes with such an intensity that he couldn't see straight, and still he'd held off. It felt so final.

He wanted it, too. But he had no choice but to be careful. He could want it, and the instinctual predator in him could want it maybe even more, but he hesitated, the same way he did every time their relationship entered new territory.

That was the point of this, though, right? To give them an out when they needed it.

They passed a food cart. Nick's stomach growled.

Judy twitched an ear. "Want some dinner?"

"Pretzels."

"Not really dinner food, but sure."

"No." Nick closed his mouth and opened it again, to double-check he'd actually said something. "That's it. Pretzels."

She looked over at him, humor rising in her eyes and through her ears. He looked back, steady, daring her to challenge him.

"Okay." The spark in her expression changed to something warmer and Judy gave a little nod. "Pretzels."

\---

Nick decided as safewords went, it was all right. It was rare enough not to come up too often, and innocuous enough not to trigger suspicion. And because he'd been rolling it around in his head for the past ten minutes, he already had it memorized.

Instead of pretzels, they ate at one of Judy's favorite salad places, where you specified the ingredients you wanted and they tossed it in front of you. They did pretty good tofu.

There were no live mics, either.

"So how does this work?" Nick asked.

Judy looked up, eyebrow cocked as if she hadn't heard him right, then stared around at the modest dinner crowd.

"With work, that is."

"Oh." She took a bite. "I have something like three weeks of PTO saved up."

"PTO? Not-"

"No," Judy said. Her ears reddened a bit. "Come on, you know this. It would be suspicious."

Most employers offered mammals varying allowances of bio time, because even with the support of modern medicine some of them needed a couple days away from others when cycles hit. It's what happened when you crammed all of them together into cities. ZPD's allotment was generous, not that Nick had any experience with it. He'd never seen Judy have to exercise it, either.

Of course, he'd also never seen her take sick days. She was too smart, too careful with washing her paws and drinking enough water and staying fit. Her dropping off the map, even for a short while, was going to get noticed.

"I don't even know what happens when my partner is on sick leave," he said.

"You'll get someone from rotation. Officers or detectives, probably, who aren't already assigned to patrol."

"With my luck I'll get Dolby," Nick said. "I can't stand him."

"Or Marki," Judy said. "At least we've worked with her before."

"On second thought, I'd prefer Dolby. You know Marki, she might actually put it all together."

"Yeah, but is she going to say anything?" Judy grinned. "She already knows, remember?"

"We think she knows." Nick scraped his bowl. "And that's more awkward than being able to just deny anything that comes up."

\---

They went to Judy's apartment long enough to pick up some 'things.' Judy refused to get into specifics. She just shouldered her formless, anonymous bag and smiled at him when he asked. It wasn't her overnight bag. That was already at his place, in its own corner in his closet.

Nick waved to Mrs. Reagan as they left the lobby. "She's going to notice I'm alone when I come back."

"She's also not going to say anything," Judy said. "You could always take the elevator if you're worried about making smalltalk."

"I might."

She looked up at him, all strained patience and pity and love, but Nick just shrugged at her. He refused to apologize for his social hangups, for his preference for sneaking around when he was in her building alone. He didn't like drawing attention to her.

"Here." Judy held up her apartment key for him.

They rode the train back downtown, sitting opposite each other and not making eye contact because there were still plenty of other eyes and ears around. Nick watched Judy's fingers drum on her bag. It wasn't nerves. On Judy nerves looked totally different, more ears and nose than paws. This was some new restlessness.

When he got her alone again he needed to make sure she was okay with this. Their relationship was about to change again, for the more intimate and serious and risky. Nick still wasn't completely on board with the idea, and the last thing he wanted Judy to do was commit to something she wasn't ready for because they hadn't communicated it properly.

The doors opened to the stop before theirs and pushed air through the car. Nick caught polar bears and a lot of yak and hot train brakes and the cedary sweetness that was Judy across from him and with it something sharper, like woodsmoke-

_Oh._

Nick felt his pulse pick up. His eyes widened at her. He felt his ears cocking forward, a reflexive attepmt to focus the signal.

Judy exhaled and tore her own gaze away, to look down in her lap.

\---

At their stop, they took the riverwalk at a brisk pace. Out in the evening breeze her scent was less of a distraction.

"You really did take this down to the wire," Nick said.

"I'm sorry," Judy said. "I shouldn't have been thinking about it on the train. That's reckless."

"I happen to love it," he said, and smiled as her ears flushed. "But yes. Reckless. Bad Carrots."

Nick's apartment was cool and dim. He locked the door behind them and followed Judy into the main room where his bed was. His home smelled of her, too, given the amount of time she spent here, but it was still nothing like what he was picking up now. This was - or had been - his benchmark for 'throes of passion,' roughly. He'd had no idea.

He had always noticed it, of course, even back when it was dangerous to so much as consider, back when it was unrequited. When Judy was happy, or excited or even scared, he'd known. Had started to dare to enjoy it, even. If the world had been able to read his mind back then, he might have been arrested for predatory atavism. Worse, if Judy had known, she might have never spoken to him again.

Now, Nick could come up behind her and wrap his arms around her and just take her in. She squirmed at his careful claws.

"You skipped your last dose, didn't you?"

Judy reddened. "I did. Two days ago."

"That fast, huh?"

"The doctors have it down to a science." She opened her bag and started laying things out on the dresser. Nick watched in increasing alarm.

His muzzle sat in its usual spot, their little shared quasi-public nod to forbidden love. Now came a set of athletic underwear cut for a female rabbit, lubricant, a custom Lepor Industries Mark VI vibrator showing a full charge, a hank of red parachute cord and a stubby cylinder with medical labels and a half-inch needle array.

"You want to add a taser, too?" Nick asked.

She turned to face him. "I did think about it, but the cameras on ours roll as soon as we pull the trigger. I thought that would get awkward to explain."

"Uh-huh." Nick swallowed. "What's that sharp thing?"

"Hormones," Judy said. "The big dose. When we're done, that goes into my leg and I go back to socially acceptable. It's a lot faster than waiting on pills to start working."

And just like that, the reservations were back. Was this really worth it? Just so they could lose some inhibitions? Nick got a moment of perspective. They were about to step back from the safeguards of modern society and put each other at two very different but equally severe risks, and for what? Better sex?

The deep breath that was supposed to clear his head just filled it with her desire instead. He gritted his teeth.

"Judy, I don't know if this is a good idea."

"Pretzels," she said.

Nick froze.

"See?" she asked, as if that settled it. She jumped onto his bed and stood in front of him, so she was actually a bit taller than he was. "I've got you trained already, fox. Stop worrying so much."

He looked up at her and worried anyway. She'd made her decision, and he'd made a slightly quieter if no less valid one. But this still seemed like the tipping point. Judy was already driving him to distraction. Even now, crawling with fear over what he might or might not do to her in the moment, his claws dug into her back, pressing her against him, making her twitch in anticipation and pleasure. He tucked his muzzle against her neck. Her scent sharpened and rolled through his brain again.

"You trust me that much," he said. It was an observation, not a question.

"With my life." Judy didn't hesitate. "Every day. We've been over this."

"This-" He pulled back. This was the hill he still had to get over.

She probably already knew, from the way he'd approached this whole thing. From the caution and near-paranoia that plagued their relationship from the start. But the longer they went on like this, the harder it would be to change their minds. Judy was a ticking clock now, and he only had so much self-control. He had to tell her.

"I still don't trust me."

It hurt her. Nick's heart cramped as he watched her face fall.

"You don't mean that," she said.

"I have to, Carrots." Nick indicated the lineup of equipment on the dresser. "As long as all this is what he have to do to be together."

"I'm not asking you to lose the muzzle. That's the point of 'all this.' Protection. We're pushing limits, I admit that. But I'm not scared of you."

"You're a dumb bunny for it," he told her, and hugged her close again. "I'm dangerous. And I'm a dumb fox, for falling so hard for you."

"Isn't that love?" Judy asked, her voice muffled against the top of his head. "Compromise? Poor decisions?"

Nick didn't say anything. Most lovers didn't risk seriously injuring their partners if something went wrong. Most weren't breaking every unwritten rule in the book to be together. But Judy was so persistent, so trusting when it came to their connection. And he found something to love in every minute of their time together, even the fraught bits.

But Nick might not ever get over his fear. There was too much at stake for him to ignore it, even when every breath he took now made him ache to set that aside, to see it her way.

"You need to be sure," he said. "You know I'll never hurt you, but I can't promise I'll stay me. That scares me. It should scare you."

"I'm tougher than I look."

"Not now, Carrots. Please."

"Nick, I won't let you take this one on yourself," she said, and tilted her head to look closely at him. "You're not the only one who's fallen too far in love with someone."

Her careful paws pulled him close again, against her throat, against her heartbeat and her cedarsmoke scent. Her chin tapped his forehead, the top of his muzzle. The heat rolled off of her in waves.

Even now there was something taboo to it, to take her in so closely. Nick felt like he was losing himself as she nuzzled him all over. His claws scratched on the floor, caught in the suit fabric in the small of Judy's back. He felt himself starting to stir. His groan made her shiver.

"I'm sure," she said. "And I want you to be sure, too. Go think on it."

"I love you. Whatever happens."

"I know," she said, and nuzzled him again. Nick breathed her in, shameless. "I'm going to sleep in your bed. Naked, just to work you up."

"Way too late, Carrots."

"Go sleep in mine, then." She held his cheeks in her paws. "Really sleep. Save it for tomorrow."

It was hard to leave her, to kiss her goodnight and step out into the normal air of the hallway. Nick stood like a stranger in his own building, until he heard his locks slide behind him.

\---

He wanted to wander.

There would be no sleep for him, not while his mind was so busy. He took the train as far as Judy's neighborhood, but then he took his time on the dark, quiet streets, looking for some sign to make his decision for him.

He couldn't clear his head without clearing it of her scent, though, and she had really marked him. It was just as well there was no one out here to notice the solo fox reeking of amorous rabbit.

The blocks and streetcorners rolled by. Nick turned his dilemma around and around in his head.

Everything had pivoted around Judy. She went right through his armor, tore it down because it was never tuned to deflect attacks from the inside. Until her, Nick had never been close enough to someone to be left vulnerable. Now here he was, thinking a lot harder about everything, fundamentally changed whether he liked it or not. Where did that end?

The stupid freight elevator on the side of Judy's building rattled loud enough to wake the dead, but Nick preferred being anonymous noise than an unfamiliar face in her building right now. Her hallway was quiet, and her borrowed key let him into her room. He stretched out on his couch.

Judy's scent was more pervasive here, but not as strong as it had been. It was comfortable, a reminder of her without the willful confusion and passion of heat. He preferred this, however much attraction there was in giving in to base instinct.

Did he want this enough to assume that temporary risk? There were two answers. 'No' meant nothing changed. He could leave them disappointed and frustrated, but they would both stay safe. And they would get over it eventually.

'Yes' was harder. 'Yes' meant retaining enough of himself to protect her, to fulfill promises spoken and unspoken as they'd grown closer. It meant being careful, the way he had been this whole time, but with stakes higher than they'd ever been. Even with a muzzle, even with safewords and panic-button doses of hormones, he was still a fox and she was still a rabbit.

Nick stared at the ceiling. Desire and fear and Judy all warred in his head. He had to come down somewhere. It would be one more compromise in a long string of them they made for each other, and if it worked...

The parts of their relationship that made Judy happy in his arms outnumbered and outweighed the parts that paralyzed him with fear. That was undeniable. And now he had a chance to add to the former. Could he look past his own preconceptions and fears? She'd done that for him, all those months ago when she met him. Taught him to do it. Did it herself. Would help him do it again.

He was ready to try.


	2. Chapter 2

Of course, now that he was at work he felt adrift again.

Waking up alone in Judy's apartment was disorienting. She'd always been close by when he came to, close enough to place or touch. He could see her walls and smell her presence, but without her there Nick felt disconnected and guilty. He'd washed up, reluctantly scrubbed her scent out of his fur as much as he could, and sneaked out to catch the early train.

There was always paperwork. Nick focused on it, to block out the truth of his partner's absence and give himself more of an alibi. He was a good little cop, pulling his double share today because his partner had finally overworked herself or something and come down sick for the first time. Weird, right?

He jumped anyway when Del Gato poked his head up from the next cube over.

"Where's Hopps?"

Nick shrugged and read his mental cue cards. "I got a text this morning. Apparently she's out sick."

"Whoa. I should go wash my paws, then."

Nick gave him his neutral sly-fox almost-smile and went back to his binders.

He repeated the same conversation three more times before roll. In the bullpen, Nick sat in his usual seat right in front and ignored the stares he was sure were coming his way. He could do this. He'd spent years deflecting attention. This was no different. It certainly wasn't about his girlfriend, taking time off to amp up what was going to be amazing sex. Nope. Nothing to see here.

Chief Bogo stomped in and yelled until everyone shut up, just in time. Nick fixed his standard expression in place and listened as assignments came around to him.

"Hopps, Wilde-" Bogo looked up and seemed to remember someone had broken her perfect record. He frowned. "Or just Wilde. Stay put for now. The rest of you are dismissed."

The room emptied, with another round of exaggerated shock from colleagues as they trooped by and noticed Judy's empty half of the seat. Eventually it was just Nick and Bogo.

"Out sick," Bogo prompted.

"You got the email, then."

"I'm worried you brought whatever she has back here, actually," Bogo said. "Anything that lays Hopps low is likely to kill the rest of us, and you two are usually inseparable."

Nick was sure he could still smell Judy pushing her muzzle over his, marking him with her heat. He hoped the look on his face was a sympathetic grimace and not something more revealing. "I'm not going to risk sharing that with anyone else, boss."

"Appreciated. It's double morning desk shifts for you. I'll get someone rostered with you for afternoon patrol."

That suited Nick just fine. He grabbed more coffee and returned to his cubicle.

_"Hey, Wilde, what did you do to Hopps?"_

_"She finally get fed up with you, then?"_

_"It's weird, the smart money in the pool said she'd drive you bonkers first."_

Nick let the teasing roll off and tried to focus on his work. There was some truth in needing to pull double-duty, after all. Judy wasn't actually sick, and they'd be digging themselves out of a mountain of forms if they let too much of it get behind.

He typed, and wrote, and drained coffee and ate lunch and typed some more. He'd made an appreciable dent in their combined inbox by the time the afternoon shift change rolled around.

There was a tap at his cube entrance.

"You ready to go, Wilde?"

Nick looked over. "Hey, Johnson. Give me a couple minutes to wrap this last one."

They'd drawn local patrol, right on the streets of downtown that Nick already knew backwards. He wondered if Bogo had cut him even more slack.

Johnson wasn't an objectionable choice of temporary partner, either. They'd never worked closely together, so it was mostly awkward silence in the cruiser unless they were talking about business or listening to the crackle of the radio.

And a lion's sense of smell wasn't quite as sharp as some other mammals'. Nick was optimistic they'd get through four hours without anything coming up - even as time wore on and his thoughts kept drifting to Judy, waiting in his apartment. He adjusted his collar.

"So what's up with Hopps?"

Or not. Nick closed his eyes, grateful for his aviators. "Out sick. Is that news?"

"Well, for her? Yeah." Johnson watched the light change and took them left. The blinker clicked. "I don't think she's ever been out before."

"A bad stomach bug, I take it," Nick said. Lying for her was uncomfortable, because he knew she'd object to even the principle of the thing. "You want to chip in for flowers or something?"

He rumbled a laugh. "I'm good. But she does good work. Sucks that you have to make up the slack."

Some things were worth it, Nick thought. But he kept that bit to himself. "Don't tell her, because she'll never let me hear the end of it, but paperwork is about all I'm good for anyway."

"Aww. You guys cracked the predator thing together, though. And the bank murders."

If only Johnson knew the half of it, Nick thought. "Maybe. I-"

A mid-scale car blasted by them and blew the light they were waiting at. They stared after it.

"Wow," Nick said as Johnson floored it. He toggled the lightbar. "Okay then."

\---

Fear gave inevitable ground to anticipation. And someone had the air turned down, Nick thought as they returned to the station that evening. It was hot at his desk. He turned off his computer, glared at the remaining paperwork and clocked out.

The day had been relatively painless and over faster than he'd expected, he thought as he made his way to the train station. It wasn't fair. He'd needed more time to stew in indecision.

Judy hadn't made contact the whole time, probably to keep from distracting him further. He stood in the corner of the rush-hour train and called her. There were butterflies in his stomach.

"Hey, you." Her voice was husky, a bit labored.

"Hi," he said. "You doing okay?"

"Just restless. I'm exercising. Naked."

_"Carrots-"_ Nick turned into the corner of the car, cupping the microphone with his free paw as if it might help. "I'm on the train. Also, are you trying to knock me unconscious as soon as I open the door?"

"Maybe."

Nick sighed. "Do you want something to eat? I can pick it up before I come home."

"You have ice cream in your freezer. That's enough for me. Cold is good, if you want to add anything else."

Nick had lost his appetite, to a mixture of desire and fear. "I'll see you soon. Don't just answer the door, okay? I'll call when I make it back."

"I love you."

"Love you, too."

It was two stops to his apartment, and they were gone in a flash. Nick walked slow again.

This was happening. His time was up, and he had to know what he wanted by the time he climed three flights of stairs.

No, he already knew what he wanted. He just had to hold up the bargain he'd made with himself last night in Judy's apartment. She trusted him enough to do it. And he wouldn't do it alone.

His door was unassuming. Sealed well, too, because he couldn't pick anything up from this side. He stared at his phone and tapped Judy's portrait before he could psych himself out of it again.

"Is that you out there?"

"You can hear me?" Nick drummed three fingers on the plane of the door. "Yes, it's me. I'll give you to ten, okay?"

"Deep breaths," she said. "Come and get me, fox."

"That's not-" The end tone sounded in Nick's ear. Locks clicked.

Muzzle first. And then Nick was going to put his belt on the corner of his bed, taser camera be damned. He would rather hang for taboo than hurt her.

His count ran out. He twisted the handle.


	3. Chapter 3 [explicit]

It was like a hot poker to the muzzle, like getting punched in the gut. It was Judy, it was prey, it was roaring _need_ over and over again. Each breath just compounded it. Nick's ears rang. He sank against the door, in case his knees gave out, and locked it behind him.

She was sitting on the edge of his bed, legs dangling. She wore her underwear and a huge grin. His muzzle hung from her paws.

"Welcome home."

"Mmf." Nick dared to close the distance.

She was a little cedar bonfire in his arms. He just held her as tight as he could and breathed.

"Oh, crackers, your claws."

"Sorry."

"Don't you dare stop," she said. "Unless you hear _pretzels_."

Force of will somehow still held sway over instinct. Nick let her go and stepped back.

"Good fox. Now come here."

He obeyed. She stood on the bed and kissed him, then held up the muzzle.

"I still don't like this," she said, and slipped it into place. Her paws fastened the buckle, then dug into the fur behind his ears. "But I love you more."

"I know," Nick said.

He let his clothes stay where they fell and hung his belt from the headboard. He tapped a claw on the taser holster and caught her eye.

"Just in case."

Judy's ears dropped. "I can't draw on you."

Every reflex said _go take her mate mate mate_ , but that bastion at his core still held. Nick ground his teeth. Judy could see his conflict and tension; why couldn't she see the solution?

"Judy-"

"I can't," she repeated. "I won't do that to you."

"You have to be ready to." He shook his head. "I love you, Carrots. I trust you. I know you trust me. But you have to promise me you'll stop me if it comes to that. I can't do this otherwise."

She crossed the bed to him, bringing her scent closer again. Nick held his ground and busied himself wrapping the word _pretzels_ in all the protection he had left. His ears flattened and he knew his teeth were bared to her already, but he had to fight it for as long as he could, so she could search him for any sign that he didn't mean it.

And when she finally did get it, her expression pulled at him just as hard as it had their first night together.

"Promise," she said, and kissed him again.

\---

Their lovemaking had always been a gentle, intimate thing. They were enthusiastic, to be sure, and assertive, but usually they both preferred snuggling to wild activity.

Usually.

Now, Judy was shaking against him in her urgency, matching his every move with eager paws of her own. She kept trying to bury her nose under his chin, which kept getting in the way because he was chasing her scent, trying to do the same to her. She huffed every time he touched her, from her breasts down her taut stomach and around to her butt, where he squeezed and his claws caught in the fabric of her shorts.

Her scent alone was enough to bring him almost to full hardness, his knot swelling in his sheath. But he had just enough focus left to give her this first, even if he was panting a little bit.

Nick finally got her turned around and pinned her against him with an arm across her chest. She pushed her hips back against him.

"Come on."

"Mm." He slipped a paw down the front of her shorts, two fingers into her warmth, and took the edge of her ear between careful teeth.

Judy went off like a firecracker. Her legs jerked. His paw was trapped - and soaked. He matched her moan with a little growl of his own and pulled her close, supporting her weight so she could ride it out against him. Oh, he loved the way she twisted, the way her chin went up and bared the creamy fur at her throat.

" _Fuck,_ Nick."

He kept it up, went even faster. She spread her shaky legs - how was she so close again already? She always came fast, and so many times, but this was beyond even that - and he pushed on her shorts, sliding them down and out of the way so he could see all of her. And the _smell._ Nick was sure he was drooling.

Judy wriggled around against him and her paws ran down his length. If she started pulling on his sheath - yep, like that - he was going to be right behind her. He was already leaking like the radiator in her apartment.

"What is this," he groaned. "A race?"

"You bet it is. Come on, love, let me _see_ you."

He was almost full. She was pulling down on him, gentle but almost to the point of pain anyway as his knot grew and slipped free. It made his hips twitch, and then he had to hold her again, as she almost overloaded again at his urgent touch.

"I need-"

She pulled on his cock and he followed her onto the bed, as if he had a choice. She stripped off her bra and lay on her back, ears every which way. Nick held himself over her on paws and knees, his back arched so he could kiss her and touch her and slide into her at the same time.

Fireworks. Judy was a hot velvet vice around him, so tight he could feel her speeding heartbeat. He wanted to move his hips but he fought it off this once, just pushing all the way up to his knot and staying there, letting their contact do the work as he twitched and grew the rest of the way.

He held his forehead to hers, matching her breath for shaky breath, and rumbled in approval as she squirmed. Her sharp little claws dug into his shoulders.

"You keep that up, I'm going to lose it too," he said, before she _squeezed_ him and his language centers went offline.

"You'd better," she said. "As deep as you can. I want to feel it, _oh-_ "

Now he couldn't help himself. She shuddered under him again and that was it. He pulled her close to him, nearly lifting her frame from the bed with each thrust, and surrendered to the throbbing heat and pressure.

"Nick..."

He huffed and moaned wordless love against her hot neck and it just kept going, like her need had finally overwhelmed his mind and transferred to him. It was messy, but then it was always messy because he filled her to begin with. Judy promised him that was part of the fun. And she'd crossed her ankles together above his tail. He wasn't going anywhere, and he didn't want to. He didn't need a rest. If he tied her now, it would go on and on, give them both just what they wanted.

He pushed.

Judy's eyes flew open. She put a paw on his chest, got him far enough away to look at him.

"All the way," she panted, and grabbed his knot with both paws and _pulled_. It was almost enough to set him off again.

Oh, it was good. The pressure built and built, stretched her even tighter. She gasped and rolled through her third orgasm in as many minutes, and he pushed harder. So close.

"Hang on, fox," she panted.

Just a little further.

"Nick, you're too big. Wait."

He didn't want to wait. He wanted to tie her, to feel her warmth all the way around him and flood her again and again. She had said-

"Wait!"

Judy's gasp was of pain this time, and she moved under him to relieve the pressure. He countered. He was stronger; he could hold her down. He was the predator. She writhed under him again and there was a rabbit foot sinking into his stomach with deceptive strength, knocking the wind from him, pushing him halfway out of her. Nick growled.

" _Pretzels!_ Pretzels, Nick, please, it hurts-"

It was the one thing he'd held onto and it still almost didn't surface through the haze. It took the fear in Judy's eyes to fully chase the passion from his brain and make him realize what he'd done.


	4. Chapter 4 [explicit]

Nick's second conscious thought was pressing himself against his little TV cabinet at the end of the room, as far away from his lover as he could get.

He'd failed her.

He'd failed himself.

Judy knelt on the bed, tears streaking her cheeks, and the look on her face went straight to his soul. He sank to sit against the wall, and she reached for him.

"Stay away from me, Judy."

"No! This isn't your fault."

"Stay. You know what you have to do."

She shook her head, ears flapping. "No, Nick-"

 _"Do it,"_ he barked. The muzzle bit into the top of his nose, almost mangled the words. She flinched. "Please. I love you, you know I love you, but you have to. I'm too far gone."

She hiccuped and finally moved, not toward him but to scoop up the injector from the edge of the bed. She fumbled the cap off and stabbed it into her thigh. Nick heard the hiss of the mechanism.

Her legs twitched and her breath came short. Nick's heart leaped in his throat at the faltering reaction until he recognized it wasn't anaphylaxis, wasn't something allergic or even negative. It was somehow worse.

She'd come again. Even the pain of the panic dose was enough to push her over the edge. Nick wanted to scream.

It was too much. It was too much, and he hadn't been strong enough to protect her. Only the instant of fear had saved them both, and even now he could feel the world fuzzing around the edges as her scent went to work on him again. They were off the deep end, and Nick was convinced as long as they stayed there, he would be a threat to her.

"How long?" he asked.

Judy panted. She leaned forward to brace herself with one paw on the footboard and rubbed at her leg with the other. "A few minutes. Nick, I'm sorry."

"No. This was my fault."

"I'm okay. I'm not hurt, Nick."

"Yes you are."

 _"No."_ His little rabbit wiped her eyes, got off the bed and walked straight up to him again, ignoring the warnings in his involuntary growl. Now he could smell himself on her, too. It still hit him like a wave. "Listen to me. You stopped. You beat it."

"You had to fight me off, Judy."

She stared at him in horror. He matched her, chin held high. Maybe she'd had to hear him say it to really understand.

But she stepped even closer and put her paws on his shoulders. "That is _not_ what this is," she said. Her voice shook. "You need to understand that, Nick. You think I can't feel it? Do you think I was thinking straight right then? You might be the predator, but I'm just as much a mess as you are. I was encouraging you."

But Nick never had to be afraid of her, the way he'd seen her look there in that last moment. Only she ever had to experience that, and that was why he had to bear the larger share of the responsibility for their safety.

Her scent dragged at him. Nick pushed himself more upright, just a little bit further away.

"The difference is if I really do lose myself, I'll hurt you. Could even kill you."

Judy flinched again, and Nick despaired at the satisfaction he felt at getting through to her. She hated that reminder, just as he hated any situation in which he had to bring it up.

"I know what I got myself into," Judy said. "Back when this all started."

"Don't lie to yourself. I'm not worth that."

 _"I'm not lying."_ The air around her turned hot and angry for a moment. Nick's ears dropped. "Stop this. I will never be afraid of you, because I know who you are. I know who you want to be." She waved a paw. "Yes, I was scared: of what happens to both of us when we cut ourselves completely loose. But this isn't you, or me. Not really. We've learned that now."

But at what cost? With what damage already done? They'd never had proof of what was at stake, until now. Nick looked at her, standing naked in front of him, at the concern and love in her eyes, and fought the truth that settled in his chest.

It would never matter how much they trusted each other. Nick was convinced the love they shared could replace the sun with heat and light to spare, but even that would never be enough to guarantee their safety. Their own bodies resisted their pairing.

Judy knew how hopeless it was; she'd said so. And she stayed anyway. Maybe out of willful ignorance of the risk, probably out of occasional recklessness. Most definitely out of love, out of a desire to give him what she could and make him happy, just the way he did for her.

"I can't be out of control like that again," Nick said. "Ever. This is just like the muzzle. I know you like to fight me on it, but this time there's no other way around."

She almost did. Her teeth went on edge and her claws pricked into him. It was the same reaction she always had, an open resistance to the internal battle Nick had already fought and surrendered to.

But she knew, deep down. Because she stayed Nick knew she, too was now confronting the inevitable.

Judy moved close to him again, pressing herself against his chest, filling him with strength and reassurance. He wrapped her up warm, and despite her scent and the urge still crawling through him Nick found he could keep still now. She was just cool enough.

"I love you."

"No matter what happens," he echoed.

"No matter what happens," she said, and nuzzled him. "Don't hide it from me, Nick. This is on me and you. Something we both have to know."

He'd expected she would help him keep control tonight, and when it came down to it, she had. It had just cost them some of their innocence, thrown into sharp relief the next big sacrifice they would both have to make to keep their connection alive. It had taken him hurting her for them both to see it.

Somehow, she was still ready to endure that for him. Nick felt his shoulders rock.

"Forgive me," he whispered into her neck.

\---

Nick woke in his bed. He was curled around Judy's smaller form the way he always did, head still fuzzy with the scent of recent sex, and now sore from the muzzle he didn't dare remove yet - but it was clear of the need that had overwhelmed him before.

This was more familiar. It was a feeling he was lucky enough to experience often, and as he looked down at Judy's ears, relaxed in sleep, it was almost as if the night had never happened.

Almost.

The curl of fear was more real now that Nick knew what could happen when they lost control. It would stalk him every time they were together like this. It was for the best, probably. He wished he could rewind time and keep from ever hurting Judy, wished he could find the conviction to make her understand the stakes. But the past was past, and there was value to it, in a way. Importance.

Love was making someone happy. It was kisses and eating takeout and gutting through long days of paperwork together and, yes, it was sharing breathless release. But it was also doing what you had to for someone. Holding something back forever, to make the rest of it work. He hadn't thought it was possible, but Nick was even more desperately in love with Judy now that they'd come through this. It might be his responsibility, but she had reminded him he was never going to have to fight that fight alone.

Judy stirred when his arms tightened around her and he planted a careful kiss at the base of her right ear.

"Good morning to you, too," she said.

"Is it morning?"

"Probably. Technically."

His breath went out as he felt footpaws sliding their careful way between his legs.

"Carrots-"

"I'm not done with you. That shot took the edge off, but I'm still wound up like a spring here."

Oh, he wanted it, wanted to prove to himself and to her nothing had changed between them, that he still loved her more than anything else. But it would be a lie unless he knew. Nick hugged her close, his paws coming up behind her head to where he knew her ears were most sensitive.

"You've been awake for ten seconds."

"Do you know that? Maybe I like listening to you breathe."

"Just- Be sure."

Judy tilted her head up at him. "This is going to be a thing, isn't it?"

"Humor me, sweetheart."

She watched him, with one paw on his chest now. The other went around the back of his head and pulled him under her chin.

Nick loosed a helpless groan. She was exquisite. Arousal and promise and love in every breath. But he didn't feel the creeping fog of involuntary need.

"Anything?" Judy asked.

"I'm okay," he said, and pulled back so he could see her. "As long as you are."

Judy squirmed far enough up to get her forehead against his. "I love you, and I trust you, and I'm not going anywhere," she said, and kissed the top of his nose, hard. "Neither are you."

Static jumped between them, the familiar thrill Nick always got when they were about to start something. And still he held her in place.

"One more check," he said, and scooted down her naked front.

He could only get the tip of his tongue past his muzzle, but Judy was soon bucking under his attentions all the same. And Nick held on until she tensed and shuddered and called for him; until he could finally let the relief in because the only thing coursing through him was love.

They were right. They were okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [tumblr](https://falke-scribblings.tumblr.com/)
> 
> [chronology](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1yPmpmdo39SmiRNC4BJVv2PAWi7fxBoP5FWba9n8s3qg/edit?usp=sharing)


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